.:||!||:.

all of the people, living, dead, and otherwise in this story are fictional… only the gods are real

In Uncategorized on October 16, 2009 at 7:30 am

from American Gods  by Neil Gaiman
[slightly textified & pretending]

 

I can believe things that are true and I can believe
things that aren’t true and I can believe things where
nobody knows if they’re true or not.
I can believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and Marilyn Monroe and the Beatles and Elvis and Mister Ed.
Listen
I believe that people are
perfectible, that knowledge is infinite, that the world is run by secret banking cartels
and is visited by
aliens
on a regular basis,
nice ones that look
like wrinkledy lemurs and bad ones who mutilate cattle and want our water and our women.
I believe that the future sucks and I believe that the future rocks and I believe that one day White Buffalo Woman is going to come back and kick everyone’s ass.
I believe that all men are just overgrown boys with deep problems communicating and that the decline in
good sex in America is coincident with the decline in drive-in movie theaters from state to state. I believe that all politicians are unprincipled crooks and I still believe that they are better than the alternative.
I believe that California is going to sink into the sea when the big one comes, while Florida is going to dissolve into madness and alligators and toxic waste.
I believe that antibacterial soap is destroying our resistance to dirt and disease so that one day we’ll all be wiped out by the common cold like the Martians in War of the Worlds. I believe that the greatest poets of the last century were Edith Sitwell and Don Marquis, that jade is dried dragon sperm, and that thousands of years ago in a former life I was a one-armed Siberian shaman.
I believe that mankind’s destiny lies in the stars. I believe that
candy really did taste better when I was a kid, that it’s aerodynamically impossible for a bumblebee to fly, that light is a wave and a particle, that there’s a cat in a box somewhere who’s alive and dead at the same time (although if they don’t ever open the box to feed it it’ll eventually just be two different kinds of dead), and that there are stars in the universe billions of years older than the universe itself.
I believe in a personal god who cares about me
and worries and oversees everything I do.
I believe in an impersonal god who set the universe in motion and went off to hang
with her girlfriends and doesn’t even know that I’m alive.
I believe in an empty and
godless universe of causal chaos, background noise, and sheer blind luck. I believe that anyone who says that sex is overrated just hasn’t done it properly. I believe that anyone who claims to know what’s going on will lie about the little things too.
I believe in absolute honesty and sensible social lies. I believe in a woman’s right to choose, a baby’s right to live, that while all human life is sacred
there’s nothing wrong with the death penalty if you can trust the legal system implicitly, and that no one but a moron would ever trust the legal system.
I believe that
life
is
a
game, that life is a
cruel joke,
and that
life is what happens when
you’re alive
and that you
might as well lie back and enjoy it.

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